“I’d love to see An Early Winter Morning’s Nightmare,” I said.
“That’s not funny,” said my thirteen-year-old daughter. “Not funny at all!”
She’d just told me that she’d like to watch A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

If my wife wants to order Fish Ball Soup, I’ll say I prefer Octopus Brain Broth. If my son wants to watch Iron Man, I’ll suggest Plastic Boy.

Yes, I can really be quite silly sometimes, much to the irritation of my poor family. My brand is humour is not particularly amusing, but it does stimulate this aging mind. I sometimes like to change words to the opposite, a synonym or something approximating it anyway.

The more challenging the better!

Here are some examples:

New Straits Times => Old Gulf Divide

Global Financial Crises => Local Sociological Euphoria

Prawn Cocktail => Oyster Ballshead

Tiger Woods => Antelope Jungle

Children’s Encyclopedia => Adult’s Dictionary

Fish Head Curry => Dog Tail Stew

Microsoft => Macrohard

You get the picture. It’s quite easy really.

Try doing these ones:

South East Asia =>

Wall Street Journal =>

Roast Chicken Wings =>

Second Hand Books =>

Federal Highway =>

… it really is fun!

I will confess to always being late. No, not late for appointments, but reading the latest books …

With appointments, I have the awful habit of being early. Even when I try to be late. There’s some internal clock in me that doesn’t allow me to be late. (I know, you’re going to quote me, the next time I’m late for lunch/dinner/whatever … but that wouldn’t be my fault, honest!).

Being habitually early is quite okay in some countries, but in Malaysia, where “Malaysian time” prevails, it can leave you fuming. If dinner is at 8pm, don’t leave the house until 8.30pm or you’ll be the first to be there and waiting for the others.

“Come over to the house at six”.

“Malaysia time” means don’t get there until 7pm. Otherwise you’ll look too keen. It might even be rude. The mistress of the house is still having a shower. The master is still in singlet and shorts, perhaps washing the dog. You’ll have no one to talk to but the cicak on the wall.

Back to being late for books.

I’ll confess that I’m probably the one of the last people to read the 2008 Man Booker Prize Winner The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga.

Another Aravind contacted me several years ago about writing a screenplay to my first novel Dark Demon Rising. Hmmm … I wonder what’s happened to him. Vampires seem to be so “in” these days, especially teenage ones. Bookshop shelves now sprout the label “Paranormal romance”. I ask you, which romance isn’t?

Talking crap again, TH?

Maybe. Anyway, I picked up a real bargain at a secondhand book fair the other day. A Century of Creepy Stories with the previous owner’s inscription inside dated 1934.

A Century of Creepy Stories

The hardback cover is torn. But I smell it’s musty history as I flip through its yellowing and stained pages. Here’s something you just can’t pick up in any glaringly bright bookshop filled with glossy book covers, the same volumes you see in shop after shop. Here’s a tome that you can’t tuck under you arm to show the world that you’re reading the latest and greatest. Here’s a non-brand name-book!

Second hand books anyone?

That’s why I love second hand shops. You’ll never know what you might uncover there.

And, it also means, that you’re never late reading them!

Now, a word from our sponsor …

SCHOOLS PROGRAMME
There’s a new Schools Programme available for History of Malaysia – A Children’s Encyclopedia. Schools and teachers can purchase the book at substantial discounts for students. More info is available at the website.

I thought that it’s high time that I got my own website going again. I did have one several years back but never got around to renewing the domain name … I know, I’m a real marketing guru!

Anyway, it’s at http://tunkuhalim.com and is still under construction so don’t bother clicking on anything. But I do like that quite “scary” photo of me. This site is primarily to publicize my dark stories … so no history for children here unfortunately. Suggestions for what you’d like to see on the site are welcome too.

I’m told that it’s quite hard to get 44 Cemetery Road, Gravedigger’s Kiss or Juriah’s Song in the book stores nowadays. So if you can’t wait to get your hands on a copy, do get the shop to order it in or visit MPH online (they’re doing free deliveries until 30 Nov … so hurry!)

I understand from my friend Zewt that Malaysia may soon implement the GST … so better get those books before the price goes up!

See … told you I was a marketing guru.

I’ve always felt a bit sorry for vegetarians. Even those “semi-vegetarians” who do eat seafood (technically called “pescatarians”).

They have to give up all those wonderful foods: beef, lamb, duck, chicken … chicken, can you believe it? How can you live without lovely fried chicken, chicken rice, chicken satay, chicken curry?

Of course, many people are vegetarians for religious even moral reasons, but why the heck would you want to do so for any other reason?

Health? Come on … where are you going to get your protein from?

And are we going to believe Kurma Dasa in Great Vegetarian Dishes who says:

“… when I switched from a predominantly meat-based diet to a vegetarian one … I was tested at the Percival Institute in Toronto [and] had the highest fitness index of any athlete in Canada!

… meat, fish, poultry, and eggs contain a high percentage of concentrated pure protein, along with high levels of cholestrol. When one eats pure protein, the body cannot use it in that form; it must break it down into amino acids, expending energy with this extra step. This drain on the body’s energy takes away from an athlete’s performance. Also these foods contain a lot of toxins …”

There are many arguments to the contrary, some are, of course, naturally funded by meat marketing boards and other lobby groups for the meat industry. But Kurma Dasa’s book is unashamedly highly supportive of the Hare Krishnas … so who should we believe?

Anyway, why my sudden ranting about vegetarianism?

You see, I have to admit, and I do it sheepishly, that I haven’t eaten meat for about 11 months now. I may soon go back to eating meat, but, for the moment, I’m a pescatarian, which means I eat seafood. What the heck’s wrong with me, you may ask?

Why on earth would I want to give up those delicious foods … roast duck, lamb stew, beef rendang?

I’ll tell you more in another post.

For the moment, I will say that I go to karate lessons twice a week … and, to my surprise, my fitness level has increased!

I had long suspected that curries are good for you. Not only do I find them delicious but I always felt good after such a yummy meal.

With all those wonderful spices in them, and with such a tantalising taste, how could they not be great for your health?

Of course, we all know what a curry is. But here’s a definition anyway:

curry 1 |ˈkərē; ˈkə-rē|
noun
1 ( pl. -ries) a dish of meat, vegetables, etc., cooked in an Indian-style sauce of strong spices and turmeric and typically served with rice.
2 curry powder.
verb ( -ries, -ried) [ trans. ] [usu. as adj. ] ( curried)
prepare or flavor with a sauce of hot-tasting spices : curried chicken.
ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from Tamil ka r i.

As I said, I always suspected that the mix of spices (and chili!) had special health benefits. This was corroborated on my earlier post about how star anise can combat swine flu.

So I was not too surprised when I read in the newspaper a few weeks back that turmeric can destroy cancer cells. Apparently, scientists at the Cork Research Centre in Ireland treated cancer cells with curcumin (a chemical found in the humble turmeric) and discovered that it began to kill cancer cells within 24 hours!

The humble turmeric

That’s great to hear, so we can now happily put more kunyit in our dishes!

It’s no surprise then that in the 15th and16th Century, spices were worth their weight in gold. That’s why Melaka was conquered by the Portuguese and, in fact, why the Dutch and British colonised Indonesia and Malaysia.

I know, I know … I just had to mention history, didn’t I?

Anyway, guess what’s for dinner?

By the way, I was interviewed recently by Eileen Lian for the Parenting Works website (Parenting from an Asian Perspective). Click here to have a read …

Here’s an extract:

“Inspired by his kids, Kristina and Adam, Halim set off to research and write A Children’s History of Malaysia in 2003 followed by History of Malaysia: A Children’s Encyclopedia in early 2009.

Childhood was certainly a lot simpler then. I often tell my kids about how TV was in black and white and only came on after 5 p.m. The internet, even CDs, weren’t even dreamt about. There was only one channel, RTM. Childhood was a lot of fun too as my brothers and I used to cycle all around the neighbourhood creating mischief!”

You mentioned in an interview that you don’t like the term horror. How would you describe your own writing?

I don’t particularly like the term horror for my own writing because it creates an expectation on the readers’ part that the writing will scare them. If you’re a horror writer, then you necessarily have to write scary stories. It puts a box around you …

That’s from an interview I did with Charles Tan for the Apex Book Company (Where Science Fiction and Horror Collide) website and you can read the full interview here.

The Apex Book Company recently published one of my early but favourite short stories, “Biggest Baddest Bomoh”, in The Apex Book of World SF Anthology. In this volume you’ll discover 16 stories from the speculative fiction genre from many countries including Thailand, Netherlands, China and the Phillippines.

Publishers Weekly reviewed the book as a “medley of horror-tinged fantasy tales … focused and interesting are Dean Francis Alfar’s whimsical “The Kite of Stars,” which describes a journey across fantastical landscapes, and Tunku Halim’s “Biggest Baddest Bomoh,” where an office drone consults a deadly shaman for help with his love life.”

And what is in store for our office drone, you ask?

You may, if you’ve read my stuff, already know the answer … but there are other dark tales here awaiting your pleasure!

I’ve always had a soft spot for Singapore. It was, after all, where I first laid eyes on my wife …

So when I heard that the island nation was hosting its Writer’s Festival around the same time as an official “family function” in Negri Sembilan, I leapt at the opportunity of attending both.

What really attracted me to the Writer’s Festival was the Publisher’s Symposium being held over 2 days. I was pleased to see Sharon Bakar there. She asked if I could attend “Readings” on Saturday since it was, after all, Halloween. But, unfortunately, I couldn’t.

I also met Philip Tatham of Monsoon books (publisher of Growing up in Trengganu) for the first time. We previously only had email contact. There were lots of other interesting people in the industry there, particularly the writers of children’s books, including Shamini Flint (the Sasha series), Adeline Foo (The Kitchen God etc.) and Emily Lim (Prince Bear and Pauper Bear etc.).

Well, that’s enough of the name dropping for now.

The Writer’s Festival was held at The Arts House which is located at the Old Parliament House, a beautiful building adjacent to the current parliament. What struck me as I strolled past parliament was its heritage nature, its accessibility and unpretentiousness.

It seemed too small for such important work. But that’s Singapore.

Efficient as ever.

With my head upon the pillow, I spied the eight-legged creature.

I slid out of the blanket, grabbed the insect spray and zapped it. But, to my surprise, it still clung there. It was still moving around half a minute later. What was the matter? Why didn’t the spider die? I checked the spray can.

Mortein.

Good. I didn’t use my after shave on it.

So what was wrong?

Below the brand “Mortein,” it declared “Flying Insect Spray”. So that’s why the spider didn’t die. Spider’s don’t fly.

Welcome to the world of product diversification.

It’s a most irritating, if not expensive, world.

Companies caught on to the idea of taking a good product and create a range of them, which is supposed to give the consumer more choice. Yet what it causes it confusion and complexity and, ultimately, more money out of your own pocket.

I often like to buy cans of tuna as it’s quick meal to have with toast. (Mix it with mayonnaise, lemon juice and some lettuce to make it even more delicious!) But buying a can of tuna is no simple matter. You now have the choice of tuna in oil or brine or spring water. Tuna mixed with tomatoes, capsicum, spring onions or herbs. Tuna in chunks or flaked.

The choice seems to be endless. Finding a standard can of tuna amongst all the different variations is a task in itself!

Tried buying coconut milk lately? You now have the choice of lite, standard and cream. Perhaps just get one of each? Because that’s what the company that sells it wants you to do.

In this increasingly complex world, I’d go for simplicity … any time.

I hope the spider did eventually die. But I couldn’t find it’s body.

Perhaps it crawled into my bed …

I’m a bit sad today.

I handed to keys to our country cottage to the estate agent to rent out for us. I’m surrendering it for someone else to use.

It really is a cute cottage where I’ve spent many hours writing my novel over the past two years. You might have read about it in a post from last year.

You see, we haven’t been using it very much these last few months. There has been so much happening at home that we rarely drive to our cottage which is only just over an hour away. Also, in winter, it does get rather cold there, since it is in the highlands.

So it’s a bit of a waste, and I really don’t like seeing things go to waste.

But as I was packing our personal effects, I had a real sense of sadness. The cottage really has become part of me. I’ve been so lucky to have had use of it.

A sheep near the cottage says hello ... and goodbye!

The last time I felt like this was when I sold my trusty Toyota Corolla which I had for 10 years. That was so much a part of me too.

It’s strange how we sometimes get so attached to things and places.

Alas … it’s time to let go … and move on.

Oh, yes, I’m also in the current issue of Tell magazine. Here’s a photo stitch from it:

The three of me ...

I’m described as a writer-cum-graphic designer-cum-illustrator-cum-photographer-cum-can’t remember what else!

I was in the same magazine, two years ago.

They must like me!

My daughter was late coming out of her ballet lesson this evening.

So whilst sitting and waiting in the car, I decided to mess about with the mobile phone and took a few shots of myself.

So here they are:

You can see that I was getting a bit irritated as it turned out to be a twenty-five minute wait!

(They are getting ready for their end-of-year concert so I’ll forgive the ballet teacher)

Incidentally, on the subject of cars, I read in the Australian newspapers that the Chinese car brand Great Wall only managed a “lacklustre” two-star rating with its utility vehicle in independent crash testing. So beware of Chinese cars it seems! But the paper was confident that Great Wall would soon fix these problems as they have reacted quickly to such issues before.

Unfortunately, in the same crash tests, the Proton Jumbuck did even worse with a “disastrous” one-star rating!

Adoi!!